Parashat Vayehi—Loss and Gratitude
Jacob spent the first part of his life in a state of craving, and the second part consumed by painful longing. When young, he twice swindled his brother, once for a birthright (representing a greater portion his father’s estate), and again for the firstborn’s blessing (representing both a greater spiritual blessing, and a sign of future leadership). Why? Because on some level, what he had wasn’t enough; he always wanted more.
As he gets older and builds a family, the craving seems to dissipate. When he meets his estranged brother, he even says, “God has favored me, and I have all [I need]” (ki hanani Elohim, ve-khi yesh li khol). Soon later, though, he suffers a terrible set of losses, including the deaths of his beloved wife Rachel and his father Isaac. His family is torn apart when he loses his beloved son Joseph. Following these losses, he is a broken man; he refuses to be comforted. We cannot fault Jacob for his grief! But it’s clear that Jacob is unable to count his remaining blessings, or to value and love the family he had. He was consumed with longing for what he no longer had.
In this week’s parashah, though, Jacob comes to Egypt and is finally reunited with Joseph, and we finally see something different. When blessing his children, he is able to say, Birkhot avikha gavru al birkot horai, “Your father’s (i.e. My) blessings have exceeded my parents’ blessings.” He’s not just happy to have Joseph back—he expresses gratitude for that earlier—but that he is able to look at his whole life, and focus on the good.
Over the course of our lives, we will all suffer losses. It is simply part of being human. It is important to accept the pain of those losses as we find our own way to grieve. At the same time, that pain doesn’t have to keep us from finding grounds to be grateful for what we have. Like Jacob, we can try to remind ourselves of all our blessings, and that very awareness can bring us powerful comfort. And Jacob’s renewed gratitude came in his 130th year! It is never too late to adopt a stance of gratitude.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Jonathan Berger
Head of School
Questions for the Shabbat table:
1. Do you think Jacob genuinely changes over the course of his life? Or is he still, on some essential level, the same as an elder as he was as a youth?
2. When, in your life, have you found it hardest to feel grateful? What helped you find a way?