Parashat Hayei Sarah—Acting Kindly Isn’t Enough
Sometimes, real kindness and fake kindness look almost identical. It takes close observation to see the difference.
In this week’s parashah, Avraham’s servant travels back to Aram to find a bride for Avraham’s son Yitzhak. How would he know which young woman was a good match? Would he seek beauty, intelligence or wealth? None of those. He knew that Avraham valued hesed, kindness, most of all, so he prays that God send a kind woman to meet them at the well, someone who would not only offer him water, but would offer water to his camels too. Rivkah appears on cue—and she offers water to him and to his camels. It’s clear: this is the right woman for Isaac.
We think we have learned that kindness to animals is the mark of a good person. But we soon learn that proper action, on its own, isn’t enough.
When Rivkah comes home, her brother Lavan greets her. The Torah says that “When he saw the ring and bracelet on his sister’s hand, and heard her story… he said, ‘Welcome, blessed one of God; why should you wait outside, when I have cleared a space in the house [for you], and a place for the camels?’” At first, Lavan seems just like his sister! But as Rabbi David Kimhi (a 12th century Provençal commentator) points out, Lavan’s kindness only emerges after he sees the gold. Unlike Rivkah, his hospitality is driven by greed, not hesed.
Motives matter. If we are kind for selfish reasons, it will eventually show. Lavan convinced others of his virtue for a little while—but his daughters came to hate him for his greed, and they and their families deserted him. On the other hand, Rivkah, whose hesed was true, became one of the matriarchs of our people; her success and happiness were hard-won, but enduring. May we always follow in her footsteps—in thought and in deed.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Jonathan Berger
Head of School
Questions for the Shabbat table:
1. There are many ways to demonstrate kindness. Why do you think Abraham’s servant prayed specifically for someone who was kind to animals?
2. Can you think of times in your life when you’ve been kind for selfish reasons? How does that feel different from being kind for caring reasons?